Mother Theodora reflects on her profession

We recently published our winter newsletter which included a reflection by Mother Theodora about her recent life profession.  Due to limited space in the newsletter, she wanted to share more of her personal reflections about the correlation between the liturgical prayers for the feast of the Entrance of the Mother of God into the Temple and the profession service.  Here they are!


In the Narthex I laid aside my customary habit and was clothed in the Vlasyaniysa, a white robe similar to the baptismal robe. I took a deep breath and thought, “This is it. How did I make it to this moment?” I knew that it was only through sheer grace. I entered barefooted into St. John Cathedral as the Troparion of the Prodigal Son was being sung:

Haste! Open Your fatherly arms to me,for I have lived like the Prodigal.O Savior, do not despise my impoverished heart,that heart that gazes upon the fathomless wealth of Your mercy.For, I have sinned against Heaven, and before You!

“That’s me” (the prodigal), I thought, as I walked down the aisle to make my life profession as a nun—a woman—broken, unworthy and sinful—yet irresistibly drawn by my Bridegroom to become His bride for eternity. I ached almost three years for this moment and with each prostration, I was filled with an increasing awe at the reality I was entering into.

There were a number of correlations between the liturgical prayers and the profession service. We sang verses from the Aposticha: O virgins, carry candles and lead the way for the entrance of the ever Virgin. Sister Julie and Jessie, who walked before me carrying candles, were the virgins leading my way into the temple. When Anna, which means grace, was graced with the pure and ever Virgin Mary, she presented her into the temple. Mother Anna escorted me down the aisle, covering me with her Mandyas, as she prepared to present me to Bishop John. Today the Theotokos…is being escorted with gladness into the Temple of God, and Zechariah receives her. It was not Zechariah the high priest, but Bishop John who received me before the Royal Doors. Let Joachim be glad and let Anna rejoice exceedingly, because they have offered to God the immaculate Queen as a three year old child. It had been almost three years since this monastic adventure was initiated.

 As I stood fully robed before an icon of Christ the Bridegroom, I closed my eyes and was overwhelmed with an indescribable sense of peace and joy. I do not know how long I basked in that state, but I was content to remain in it. When I opened my eyes, I was startled at the fact that I was standing in the front of the Cathedral before hundreds of witnesses. For a moment I thought, “How in the heck did I get here?” At the end of the long service, I turned around to be greeted by everyone and when I gazed at all the people present who have journeyed with me,  I was filled with an edifying gift of love and thought, “Aaaah, they are how I got here.”

Celibacy - Chosen in Freedom and Love

We recently received a comment on our blog regarding celibacy and the Catholic priesthood to which we would like to respond and explain the Church’s teaching on this subject.  First, we would like to thank the person who posted their comment.  Our growth as Christians comes especially in times of questioning and seeking the truth, so we are grateful for this opportunity to share about the topic of celibacy.

Sr. Julie and Jessie with Seminarian Eric and Fr. Patrick

I would first like to address the issue of when celibacy became part of God’s will for humanity.  Our primary example of celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom comes straight from the source – Jesus.  Jesus’ entire life was spent in obedience to His Father’s Will and dedicated to carrying out the work of His Father, and during the 33 years He spent on this earth, the Catholic Church teaches that He was celibate.

Jesus also gave a direct teaching on celibacy, found in Chapter 19 of The Gospel of Matthew.  The Pharisees questioned Jesus about divorce and remarriage, and Jesus explained to them that divorce was only allowed because of their hardness of heart, so anyone who divorces his wife ‘except for sexual immorality’ and marries another is committing adultery.  Because of this, Jesus’ disciples then state that maybe it is better not to marry at all.  But Jesus disagrees with them, explaining that there are only some who are called to be unmarried, and says the following:

“But He said to them, ‘All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.  He who is able to accept it, let him accept it” (Mt 19:11-12).

There are a couple of statements Jesus is making about celibacy in this passage.  First, celibacy is not for everyone.  Being a celibate is a call by God to particular individuals to whom God will give the grace to live out this particular state of life, which is why ‘all cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given.’  Second, celibacy must be freely chosen by the person whom God has called. ‘He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.’  Thirdly, Christian celibacy is not an end in itself, but is a sign of the Kingdom of Heaven.  ‘There are eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake’ – men and women who freely respond to God’s call to be celibate for the sake of the Kingdom.  These men and women, called by God, serve as a sign or foreshadowing of what our life in heaven will be like, where “in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels of God in heaven” (Mt 22:30).  They witness to the reality that all of humanity is created to one day be in total union with God in heaven – and these men and women express that reality by consecrating their lives to God while still on earth, desiring not marriage in this life, but marriage with our Eternal Bridegroom in the life to come.

So, with the ideas in mind that celibacy is a call by God which must be freely chosen for the sake of the Kingdom, we want to look at celibacy within the Catholic priesthood.  First of all, celibacy is a discipline of the Roman Catholic priesthood, not a doctrine of the Catholic Church.  There are churches in communion with the Roman Catholic Church, in particular the Eastern Catholic Churches such as the Ruthenian Byzantine Church we belong to, that allow for married men to discern and be ordained to the priesthood.  Both are valid disciplines and both are in communion with the Holy See in Rome.  In both cases though, the key to celibacy or marriage in the priesthood is that it must be freely chosen.  No one is forced to become a priest – they must freely choose to enter into discernment, which the Church ratifies by accepting that person into the seminary.  With that free choice comes the knowledge that to be ordained a Roman Catholic priest, you must remain celibate or in the Eastern Churches, you may be married prior to ordination but if your wife precedes you in death, you may not remarry.  Therefore, marriage is not forbidden, in the case of the Roman Catholic Church, but is freely given up to embrace the gift of celibacy for the sake of building up God’s Kingdom here on earth.

Celibacy is not a burden, but is truly God’s gift to priests and religious men and women.  When celibacy is freely chosen in response to God’s call, God provides the grace each day to embrace that life of single-hearted dedication to Him.  As priests and religious men and women, we are called to obedience to God’s will for our lives, including celibacy, just as Jesus was called to be obedient to His Father’s will, which also included remaining celibate for His entire earthly life.  God asks us no more than He asked of His own Son – that we be willing to freely lay down our lives for one another, just as Jesus has done for us.  It is with great joy, ardent love, and much fervor that I proclaim my ‘yes’ to God’s call to celibacy as a nun, in obedience to the wisdom of the Catholic Church, whose foundation is Jesus Christ.  Glory to Jesus Christ!  Glory to Him Forever!

You want me to fast NOW?

Then the disciples of John came to Him, saying, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but Your disciples do not fast?”  And Jesus said to them, “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?  But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast (Mt 9:14-15).

We Christians are not yet totally united with the Bridegroom, Jesus, so we fast.  We fast, in one sense, as an expression of the hungering of our souls for union with Him.  Even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our bodies (Rom 8:23).  Fasting should stir up this groan—this longing—for heaven; not just a heaven of “eternal rest,” but for the eternal explosion of joy that is union with the God of infinite love.

The Church invites us to fast for forty days before the Nativity of Our Lord. This period of time, beginning on November 15 each year, is called the Nativity Fast, or the “Philip’s Fast” (because it begins after vespers on the feast of the Apostle Philip). During these forty days, we fast because we are waiting for Christ’s coming—liturgically, in anticipation of our yearly celebration of His Nativity, and literally, in anticipation of His second coming.  The Nativity is the beginning of God’s union with mankind.  At that very specific point in time, the creator of the universe united Himself with human flesh.  The One who had always been, became man!  “And man is not left alone to attempt, in a thousand often frustrated ways, an impossible ascent to heaven…The Word became flesh, like us in everything except sin.  He pours divinity into the sick heart of humanity, and imbuing it with the Father’s Spirit enables it to become God through grace” (Blessed John Paul II, Orientale Lumen, 15).

Fasting shouldn’t be gloomy.  We are preparing in joyful anticipation for the Wedding Banquet of heaven!  We shouldn’t judge those who use feasting as their way to anticipate the celebration of the Nativity (perhaps God is using this type of joy to lead them to Him), but we shouldn’t be afraid to share with them the concept of fasting as a way of preparing for this feast.  Let’s try to share the indescribable joy we experience in celebrating the Nativity after a season of fasting.  And if we haven’t experience this joy, let’s fast more intensely, laying ourselves aside and surrendering our will and our desires so that we can welcome the God of the universe into the humble manger of our hearts.  He wants to unite Himself to us.  He wants us to be ready for the Wedding Feast!

Did Christmas come early?

We were welcomed home by this "gourd tree" growing near the compost pile...

“Loose my debt as I un-loose my hair”

A reflection by Sr. Celeste about her tonsuring

Behold the Bridegroom is coming in the middle of the night. Blessed is the servant He shall find awake (Bridegroom Matins Troparion). The entire Lenten journey was one of vigilance, patient waiting and expectation. With zeal, we tried to keep the oil lamps burning like the five wise virgins, when even in their sleep they kept vigil for the Bridegroom’s coming (Mt 25:1-13). Deep in our hearts we echoed the words: “I was sleeping, but my heart kept vigil” (Song of Songs 5:2). We waited patiently with confident expectation that God will fulfill our needs and deepest desires: “Indeed, while following the way of Your judgments, O Lord, We have waited for You eagerly; Your name, even Your memory, is the desire of our souls” (Isaiah 26:8).

During the Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts on Holy Wednesday, the stichera revealed a stark contrast between the harlot and Judas Iscariot: O misery of Judas! He saw the harlot kiss your feet, and he harbored plans to betray you with a kiss. She unbound her hair but he was bound with anger…

While the sinful woman was bringing myrrh, the disciple was conspiring with the lawless. She rejoiced to expend the costly myrrh, while he hastened to sell the Priceless One. She recognized the Master, the Master from whom he drew away; she was freed, but Judas became the enemy’s slave; how awful his callousness, how great her repentance. Grant us such repentance and save us, O Savior, who suffered for our sake.

The harlot recognized you, the Virgin’s Son, as God. She wept for her lamentable deeds and begged you: Loose my debt as I un-loose my hair. Love me as I love You, though I deserve your hatred; and together with publicans I will acclaim You, Benefactor and Lover of mankind.

Bishop John helps Sr. Celeste to her feet

“Loose my debt as I un-loose my hair.” Whoa. My heart leaped and ached at the same time. It was seeking repentance and I keenly realized when I sang that verse, that I was about to take the role of the repentant harlot seeking His love and forgiveness. I was going to literally “unloose my hair” before the Bridegroom for tonsure.

My hair had grown long in the last couple of years. When I removed my scarf and pulled off the elastic, my hair fell onto my shoulders and into my face. I felt an overwhelming sense of liberation and humility as I came forward and knelt before Bishop John. I heard Bishop John’s voice as he prayed, but did not comprehend the words; instead I found myself kneeling before the Lord. The tears of compunction that welled up in my eyes washed Jesus’ precious feet. His feet were anointed with the myrrh of desire to do only His will, then dried with my hair in love. I, like the harlot in Matthew’s gospel, was helping Him to prepare for His passion.

The woman who had fallen into many sins, sensing your divinity, O Lord, assumed the myrrhbearers’ role and mourned, preparing you with myrrh before your burial. She said: Woe is me…Incline to the groaning of my heart as you bowed the heavens when you emptied Yourself. I will kiss Your immaculate feet and wipe them with the hair of my head, those feet whose steps Eve heard at dusk in Paradise and hid herself in fear. Who will search the multitude of my sins or plumb the depths of your judgments? Do not despise me, your servant, O Savior of my soul, for your mercy knows no measure.

After the tonsure, Bishop John reached out his hand to help me up. As I took his hand and rose up I felt like I was being lifted up into new life. As I rose, I could not help but see Jesus’ loving gaze in Bishop John’s eyes and felt redeemed and at peace.

Sr. Julie being received into the novitiate

After my tonsure, he blessed my habit and gave them to me. Before my tonsure, Bishop John prayed over Sister Julie, blessed her habit and gave it to her. Sr. Julie and I left the chapel to don our habits as everyone sang the Bridegroom Troparion.

I waited more than two years to wear a habit again. What a blessing. It felt wonderful to wear the habit again. It also was another piece of the puzzle put in place as we strive to live out our monastic life and follow our typikon:

The nuns will wear a uniform habit, of the traditional eastern style. The habit is an exterior manifestation of an interior reality which humbly celebrates the fullness of monastic life. It invites others to enter the nun’s relationship with Jesus Christ.

The habit contributes to the nun’s endeavor to live her vows: Poverty – The nun enjoys the simplicity of the habit which alleviates unnecessary concerns about what to wear or excessive possession of clothing (Mt 6:31). Chastity – The habit covers the body, revealing the sacredness and reverence of the body made in the image and likeness of God. Obedience – The habit is a constant reminder of a life of joyful repentance and dying to self, in passionate pursuit of union with Christ the bridegroom.

After the Liturgy, we were overwhelmed with joy! I felt very giddy, intoxicated with joy and those present shared this joy with us. The celebration continued with a Lenten meal amid smiles, laughter and prayerful wishes.

Though I shared the role of the repentant harlot preparing the Bridegroom for His passion with tears and myrrh, I anticipated the mixture of tears, myrrh and joy of the Resurrection that the Myrrhbeares would soon share with the world.

Pious women ran in tears to You, O Christ, bringing myrrh to you as dead; but instead, they adored You in joy as the living God and announced Your mystical Passover to Your disciples. (Resurrection Matins Ode 7).

As we continue to keep vigilance, patiently wait on the Lord and anticipate His grace, we pray for vulnerability to do His will and not to interfere with the guidance of the Holy Spirit by our particular demands or expectations of how it should or will be revealed. We pray for perseverance to be vulnerable to the Bridegroom’s desire for us and always be open to His gifts as we wait for His coming, keeping our oil lamps full and burning.

A beautiful YES to God!

Happy Feast of the Annunciation! On this day that we celebrate the "yes" of the Mother of God to the reception of Divine Life within her, we are thrilled to announce another "yes" to God!

A young woman has said "yes" to the Bridegroom's invitation to life in our community! Jessie Houck will become a dokimos (postulant) with our community on May 22. Jessie is 24 years old and is the daughter of Rick Houck and Cathy McArdle of Manchester, Ohio. She is very active in various ministries at her home parish of St. Francis de Sales Roman Catholic Church in Akron, Ohio. Jessie received an accounting degree at The University of Akron in 2008. She has been an accountant for three years at BCG & Company, an accounting firm in Akron. From the beginning, Jessie has been a faithful cohort in our “Christ the Bridegroom adventure” and didn’t even allow a terrible blizzard to stop her from coming to help at our very first work day!

The dokimos (postulant) is one who seeks a trial period of living the monastic life. Jessie will begin to experience the daily life of prayer, poverty, chastity, obedience, hospitality and community life. Her attire will consist of simple black clothes, a black scarf and cross. Through regular prayer, silence and reflection, she will continue to discern Christ’s loving will in her life. Jessie is especially enthusiastic about her relationship with Christ and with those around her. She is very prayerful, thoughtful and playful. We thank and praise God for the gift she is. It is a courageous and awesome leap of faith. Please keep Jessie in your prayers as she continues to be drawn into the joy and mystery of the Bridegroom’s yearning.

The Virgin answered the angel: It seems that you are speaking the truth to me, for you have come as a messenger bringing joy to all. Since the Holy Spirit has purified my soul and body, let it be done to me as you say; may God dwell within me. With you I cry out to Him: All you works of the Lord, bless the Lord! (Ode 8, Matins for the Feast of the Annunciation)

Revisiting Zacchaeus

Although the pre-Lenten period is nearly complete, and the Great Fast (Lent) begins on Monday, I can’t help but think about Zacchaeus, whose story we heard in the Gospel four weeks ago—the first liturgical sign that the Great Fast is approaching!  We’ve heard the stories of the Publican and the Pharisee, the Prodigal Son and the Last Judgment these past few weeks, all preparing us for the state of mind and heart that we will need to begin the Lenten journey, but I have to say that of these pre-Lenten Sundays, Zacchaeus Sunday was the most profound for me this year (and I don’t think it was just because I have empathy for short people…). 

It seems that the story of Zacchaeus teaches us about ourselves and about Christ.  There is a lot of humility happening in this story.  Zacchaeus, a wealthy man, is willing to look foolish in order to see Christ, and Christ, the Son of God, is willing to endure skeptical murmuring by entering the house of a public sinner.  Because of the humility of each in that moment, the two—God and Man—encountered one another, and salvation was the result. 

What a mystery it is that in the humbling of ourselves we become more like Christ!  St. Gregory of Nazianzus said, “What greater destiny can befall man’s humility that he should be intermingled with God, and by this intermingling should be deified” (The Fourth Theological Oration: On the Son, 3).

As the Great Fast begins, let’s enter it with the zeal of Zacchaeus.  Let’s stretch ourselves to climb that tree.  Jesus is coming to revisit Zacchaeus in us…if we let Him.  He desires our conversion.  He desires it so much that He’s willing to completely humble Himself to come into the house of our hearts.  And then He himself will climb the tree—the tree of the cross.

"I was sleeping, but my heart kept vigil"

Song of Songs 5:2